Well a month ago today, I left the love of my life to head across the world for a job opportunity. It has not been easy, and that's putting it nicely. We have argued more in the past month than we have the entire time I have known her. But all the arguing aside, I couldn't love her more than I do. I miss her everyday. I know that things are going to work out for us.
Skype is an amazing invention and it really has made things easier while being so far apart. It is nice to see her face and also to see her family and critters. It also makes me miss her that much more. It makes me want to hold her hand, touch her skin, kiss her lips.
I know being here was the right choice for the long run, but it sure sucks right now! As long as we can keep a strong sense of trust, an open mind, and a lot of love...I know we can make it!
<3
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Relationships are work
Relationships are work. I believe if both parties are not willing to put forth the effort, then it isn't going to work. There will be times that you don't understand each other. There will be times where you may love the person, but you don't like them every much. There will be times where you think they are ganging up on you, even if that isn't the case. There will be times where you are wrong and you have to admit it. There will be time where you are right and you need to stand up for it.
Relationships are 10 times harder when you are living a world away from each other. You can't see their face...touch their skin...kiss their lips. Take words said with a grain of salt...especially if you are typing because inflection is absent. Trust each other 100%.
I love Ziggy. It is so hard being so far away from her. I hate fighting with her online. It's so impersonal and things are mistrewn so easily. I want to be with her. It's all I want, but I want to stop arguing. It's only been 10 days since i left the US. I don't want it to get worse before it gets better!
<3 xoxoxo
Relationships are 10 times harder when you are living a world away from each other. You can't see their face...touch their skin...kiss their lips. Take words said with a grain of salt...especially if you are typing because inflection is absent. Trust each other 100%.
I love Ziggy. It is so hard being so far away from her. I hate fighting with her online. It's so impersonal and things are mistrewn so easily. I want to be with her. It's all I want, but I want to stop arguing. It's only been 10 days since i left the US. I don't want it to get worse before it gets better!
<3 xoxoxo
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Panic Stricken
I can't breathe. My chest is so tight. My heart is beating a million times a minute. I am almost in tears.
Why?
Because Ziggy mentioned something about an ex of hers. It was a comment without emotion, just a realization and still...I am panic stricken!
I love her...I trust her...I know she loves me and still...PANIC! WHY???
This happens every time she mentions an ex, i see a comment/post on FB, or she gets a text from someone I don't know. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with all the crappy relationships I have been in in the past, but I really hate it. There is no reason I should be feeling like this. I 100% trust Ziggy!
I wish these triggers would stop. She is nothing like my past relationships. I need to let go of the past and open myself up to a new future! <3
Why?
Because Ziggy mentioned something about an ex of hers. It was a comment without emotion, just a realization and still...I am panic stricken!
I love her...I trust her...I know she loves me and still...PANIC! WHY???
This happens every time she mentions an ex, i see a comment/post on FB, or she gets a text from someone I don't know. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with all the crappy relationships I have been in in the past, but I really hate it. There is no reason I should be feeling like this. I 100% trust Ziggy!
I wish these triggers would stop. She is nothing like my past relationships. I need to let go of the past and open myself up to a new future! <3
Forgetfulness and Frustration
I was reminded this morning while chatting with Ziggy how much I repeat myself during a few days or even in the course of a conversation. I can tell her something and within minutes she can ask what I told her or ask me a question to which I reply "Baby, I just told you that." I usually think it's cute and smile to myself, knowing that it's likely to happen again in the next few minutes or later in the conversation. I do know though that Ziggy gets upset when this happens. I have never gotten upset or mad about her forgetfulness, but still I think she thinks that I get annoyed with her. I love everything about her and her forgetfulness is just one more thing that makes her HER!
*I am about to make a few statements that I hope do no offend anyone. I apologize in advance for stepping on any toes or using the wrong terminology. I do not pretend to be a doctor or know much about Asperger's. These are just thoughts that have come to mind and are being typed as an outlet.*
I know I have stated before, but I want to reiterate that I love my girlfriend. There is nothing I would change about her, but with that being said, there are times that I wish I had an owner's manual.
*side note* (I use the term "owner's manual" not by any means to state ownership, but just as an example.)
Sometimes I don't know how to act around Ziggy. I want her to be herself and feel free to express herself however she feels fit. I have never judged the way she acts in fact I have celebrated her exuberance. But there are time when she will get very overwhelmed and very upset. She will be crying and I don't know how to react. Sometimes she wants touched and sometimes not. I never know what the right situation is for which. I want to be as supportive as possible and want her to know I an always there for her. But at the same time, I don't want to make the situation worse by doing something to trigger something else.
I know she gets frustrated when I am on a time schedule. I am very particular about being on time and having a set schedule. I get very stressed out when I am late and like to be early if at all possible. There have been a few times when my wanting to be on time has set Ziggy into shutdown mode. I try not to do this and I am working on it, but sometimes it is unavoidable. When she goes into shutdown mode I don't know how to pull her out. In fact I don't even know if it is wise to try. Is it better to allow her to shutdown for a while? I don't know. I don't know. I guess that is the main point of this post...
I DON'T KNOW! I am so uninformed about what is happening inside the brain of the woman that I love. I want to know...but I don't want to know. I hate the thought that something is hurting my baby. I want so badly to understand, but I know that I never will fully comprehend it. I really want to take this year abroad and learn as much as possible. Maybe then when I return to my love, I will better equipt to support her the way that I want to.
I will do anything for her...
*I am about to make a few statements that I hope do no offend anyone. I apologize in advance for stepping on any toes or using the wrong terminology. I do not pretend to be a doctor or know much about Asperger's. These are just thoughts that have come to mind and are being typed as an outlet.*
I know I have stated before, but I want to reiterate that I love my girlfriend. There is nothing I would change about her, but with that being said, there are times that I wish I had an owner's manual.
*side note* (I use the term "owner's manual" not by any means to state ownership, but just as an example.)
Sometimes I don't know how to act around Ziggy. I want her to be herself and feel free to express herself however she feels fit. I have never judged the way she acts in fact I have celebrated her exuberance. But there are time when she will get very overwhelmed and very upset. She will be crying and I don't know how to react. Sometimes she wants touched and sometimes not. I never know what the right situation is for which. I want to be as supportive as possible and want her to know I an always there for her. But at the same time, I don't want to make the situation worse by doing something to trigger something else.
I know she gets frustrated when I am on a time schedule. I am very particular about being on time and having a set schedule. I get very stressed out when I am late and like to be early if at all possible. There have been a few times when my wanting to be on time has set Ziggy into shutdown mode. I try not to do this and I am working on it, but sometimes it is unavoidable. When she goes into shutdown mode I don't know how to pull her out. In fact I don't even know if it is wise to try. Is it better to allow her to shutdown for a while? I don't know. I don't know. I guess that is the main point of this post...
I DON'T KNOW! I am so uninformed about what is happening inside the brain of the woman that I love. I want to know...but I don't want to know. I hate the thought that something is hurting my baby. I want so badly to understand, but I know that I never will fully comprehend it. I really want to take this year abroad and learn as much as possible. Maybe then when I return to my love, I will better equipt to support her the way that I want to.
I will do anything for her...
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Online Chatting
I have 2 things I need to say about Online chatting...
1. It is an amazing invention that allows me to keep in touch with my girlfriend when I am half a world away from her.
2. It is amazingly frustrating to me!
I love the fact that I can get up in the morning and talk to Ziggy while I am getting ready for work and she is enjoying dinner. Or I can send her a good morning message when I get home from work and she is getting up for the day. I love that we can chat and share things. I also love that I can chat with her while I am at work and she is getting things accomplished at home. It is an easy, on the spot way to communicate with her while I can't be right there beside her.
That being said, there is lots of room for error. Without infection, misconceptions are HUGE. Its so hard to tell the meaning or "tone" of your words when you can't hear them. The smallest things can end up in confusion. Also, the dropping of my very crappy Korean Internet is ridiculously annoying.
Again, I am appreciative that I have this technology to keep me "close" to Ziggy when I can't actually be close to her. I just wish there was something easier. We do use Skype, but it is not always convenient when family is around or when we are trying to get work done. I guess we are just going to have to use trial and error to figure out what works best for us. It's only been a week and it feels like an eternity.
1. It is an amazing invention that allows me to keep in touch with my girlfriend when I am half a world away from her.
2. It is amazingly frustrating to me!
I love the fact that I can get up in the morning and talk to Ziggy while I am getting ready for work and she is enjoying dinner. Or I can send her a good morning message when I get home from work and she is getting up for the day. I love that we can chat and share things. I also love that I can chat with her while I am at work and she is getting things accomplished at home. It is an easy, on the spot way to communicate with her while I can't be right there beside her.
That being said, there is lots of room for error. Without infection, misconceptions are HUGE. Its so hard to tell the meaning or "tone" of your words when you can't hear them. The smallest things can end up in confusion. Also, the dropping of my very crappy Korean Internet is ridiculously annoying.
Again, I am appreciative that I have this technology to keep me "close" to Ziggy when I can't actually be close to her. I just wish there was something easier. We do use Skype, but it is not always convenient when family is around or when we are trying to get work done. I guess we are just going to have to use trial and error to figure out what works best for us. It's only been a week and it feels like an eternity.
Welcome
Welcome to the madness that will be this blog! I am a teacher from the US who got sucked into the crappy economy and is not able to find a teaching job in the United States. July 2010, I traveled to South Korea to teach English to Korean students for a year. It was decision I made because i wanted to grow as a teacher and as a woman. I had an incredible year and returned the the states. I searched for a job when I returned and was unsuccessful. I was substitute teaching and going through a very bad relationship. I was incredibly unhappy! Luckily the relationship ended and I decided that it was the best choice to return to South Korea for another year. Unfortunatly, a not even a week after I agreed to take a job at my old school in Korea, a longtime friendship blossomed into an incredible relationship.
I met Ziggy when I was 15 years old. We were in a production together at out local community theater. She is 7 years older than me, so I really looked up to her. She was the fun, older girl who would take the younger kids bowling on Friday nights. *Jump ahead 10 years* We each had moved away doing our own things...and we find eachother 10 years later in another show together. This time we connected much deeper (as I was a baby in our first show). We spent A LOT of time together and had a very short lived "situation" if you will. Things ended not well...and even though we attempted to stay friends, we grew apart. *Jump ahead 2 years* I return from Korea and not even a month later I audition for a show. Who is the first person I see? ZIGGY! The universe seems to keep pushing us together!
Anyway, Ziggy helped me through my transition back to the states and getting through a relationship that was mimicking all my other failed relationships. We had been spending time together through the show and she really took me under her wing and was teaching me different aspects of the theater I hadnt had a chance to work with before. I had a situation in my relationship where I found out that I was being cheated on...several times. I didnt hesitate, the first person I called was Ziggy. She was there for me in a heartbeat.
So, since that day, we were pretty much inseperable! We started officially dating shortly after. Things have been amazing. She has helped me open up to who I really am. I am not as afraid to be who I know I am inside. I came out to my parents a few months ago and she really helped me through that experience and my parents have been pretty supportive. They like Ziggy and usually acknowledge our relationship, but I need to understand this is new for them and they are adjusting too.
So..the purpose of this blog is to discuss my relationship with Ziggy and how things are working with the LONG distance between us. Also, to touch on our relationship and how it is affected by Ziggy and her Asperger's. I welcome any comments and/or suggestions from the peanut gallery.
*Love conquers all!*
I met Ziggy when I was 15 years old. We were in a production together at out local community theater. She is 7 years older than me, so I really looked up to her. She was the fun, older girl who would take the younger kids bowling on Friday nights. *Jump ahead 10 years* We each had moved away doing our own things...and we find eachother 10 years later in another show together. This time we connected much deeper (as I was a baby in our first show). We spent A LOT of time together and had a very short lived "situation" if you will. Things ended not well...and even though we attempted to stay friends, we grew apart. *Jump ahead 2 years* I return from Korea and not even a month later I audition for a show. Who is the first person I see? ZIGGY! The universe seems to keep pushing us together!
Anyway, Ziggy helped me through my transition back to the states and getting through a relationship that was mimicking all my other failed relationships. We had been spending time together through the show and she really took me under her wing and was teaching me different aspects of the theater I hadnt had a chance to work with before. I had a situation in my relationship where I found out that I was being cheated on...several times. I didnt hesitate, the first person I called was Ziggy. She was there for me in a heartbeat.
So, since that day, we were pretty much inseperable! We started officially dating shortly after. Things have been amazing. She has helped me open up to who I really am. I am not as afraid to be who I know I am inside. I came out to my parents a few months ago and she really helped me through that experience and my parents have been pretty supportive. They like Ziggy and usually acknowledge our relationship, but I need to understand this is new for them and they are adjusting too.
So..the purpose of this blog is to discuss my relationship with Ziggy and how things are working with the LONG distance between us. Also, to touch on our relationship and how it is affected by Ziggy and her Asperger's. I welcome any comments and/or suggestions from the peanut gallery.
*Love conquers all!*
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