I was reminded this morning while chatting with Ziggy how much I repeat myself during a few days or even in the course of a conversation. I can tell her something and within minutes she can ask what I told her or ask me a question to which I reply "Baby, I just told you that." I usually think it's cute and smile to myself, knowing that it's likely to happen again in the next few minutes or later in the conversation. I do know though that Ziggy gets upset when this happens. I have never gotten upset or mad about her forgetfulness, but still I think she thinks that I get annoyed with her. I love everything about her and her forgetfulness is just one more thing that makes her HER!
*I am about to make a few statements that I hope do no offend anyone. I apologize in advance for stepping on any toes or using the wrong terminology. I do not pretend to be a doctor or know much about Asperger's. These are just thoughts that have come to mind and are being typed as an outlet.*
I know I have stated before, but I want to reiterate that I love my girlfriend. There is nothing I would change about her, but with that being said, there are times that I wish I had an owner's manual.
*side note* (I use the term "owner's manual" not by any means to state ownership, but just as an example.)
Sometimes I don't know how to act around Ziggy. I want her to be herself and feel free to express herself however she feels fit. I have never judged the way she acts in fact I have celebrated her exuberance. But there are time when she will get very overwhelmed and very upset. She will be crying and I don't know how to react. Sometimes she wants touched and sometimes not. I never know what the right situation is for which. I want to be as supportive as possible and want her to know I an always there for her. But at the same time, I don't want to make the situation worse by doing something to trigger something else.
I know she gets frustrated when I am on a time schedule. I am very particular about being on time and having a set schedule. I get very stressed out when I am late and like to be early if at all possible. There have been a few times when my wanting to be on time has set Ziggy into shutdown mode. I try not to do this and I am working on it, but sometimes it is unavoidable. When she goes into shutdown mode I don't know how to pull her out. In fact I don't even know if it is wise to try. Is it better to allow her to shutdown for a while? I don't know. I don't know. I guess that is the main point of this post...
I DON'T KNOW! I am so uninformed about what is happening inside the brain of the woman that I love. I want to know...but I don't want to know. I hate the thought that something is hurting my baby. I want so badly to understand, but I know that I never will fully comprehend it. I really want to take this year abroad and learn as much as possible. Maybe then when I return to my love, I will better equipt to support her the way that I want to.
I will do anything for her...
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